bwahahahaha. . .

Mga Makabagong Kasabihan (Kabadingang Edition)

1. “Aanhin mo ang gwapo kung mas malandi pa sayo!?”
2. “Walang matinong lalake sa malanding kumpare.”
3. “Wala nang hihigit pa sa malansang isda, kundi ang isang balahurang bakla.”
4. “Sa hinaba-haba ng prosisyon, bading din pala ang iyong ka relasyon.”
5. “Ang tumatakbo ng matulin, may gwapong hahabulin”
6. “Matalino man ang bading, na peperahan pa rin.”

Songs of Married Couple
First Night: Aray Naku!

1-5 Years: Araw- araw Gabi gabi

6-15 Years: Paminsan minsan

16-25 Years: Sana Kahit Minsan

26-49 Years: Gaano kadalas ang Minsan

50 and up: Maalaala mo Kaya



The Heights
Height of Poverty: Wife’s stitching husband’s condom

Height of Innocence: A girl applying Clearasil 2 her nipols thinking that they are pimples.

Height of Ambition: An ant climbing on the elephant leg with a motive of rape.

Height of Unemployment: A spider web found in prostitute’s pusssiey.

Height of Laziness: A man sleeping on the top of a woman expecting an earthquake to do the rest.


Government Project Do Not Delay

Anak: Tay, ano po magandang gawin kasi yung panty ng girlfriend ko may nakatatak na “No Entry”.

Tatay: Easy lang anak, yung brief mo markahan mo ng “Government Project Do Not Delay”.



MAN1: nagagalit sakin misis ko kapag inuuwi ko sa bahay yung mga hindi ko natapos na trabaho.
MAN2: bakit, ano ba ang trabaho mo pare?
MAN1: embalsamador!
————
NURSE: nasa isip mo ba pamilya mo?
BALIW: siyempre man! OO!
[Nurse natuwa..]
NURSE: asan ba pamilya mo?
BALIW: nasa isip ko. Tanga ba you?
————
Si Mister nakita 3 butil ng bigas at 25pesos sa drawer ni Misis.
MR: ano to?
MRS: uhm honey, magtatapat na ko. Tuwing nagtataksil ako sayo naglalagay ako ng 1 butil ng bigas sa drawer.
MR: eh ano yang 25pesos?
MRS: nung naging 1 kilo ang bigas, binenta ko na. Sayang eh!

inspirational nga ba?!?

Basahin mo ito at ma-inspire ka. Promise ma-iinspire ka talaga, as in…

# Lahat ng problema ay may solusyon. Kapag walang solusyon, wag mo ng problemahin.

# Always remember na kung kaya ng iba, ipagawa mo sa kanila.

# Hindi lahat ng gwapo may girlfriend, ang iba sa kanila ay may boyfriend.

# You wouldn’t know how sweet life could be, unless you’ve tasted somebody.

# Don’t make the same mistake twice. Madami pang ibang kasalanan, try mo naman yung iba.

# There’s always tomorrow, kaya magtira ka ng trabaho para bukas.


deebah?!?

pasaway na kasabihan. . .

* Huwag mong isiping panget ka, maiinis ka lang.

* Always remember no matter how bad you are, you are not totally useless. You can always be use as a bad example.

* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

* What is beauty if blog is empty?

* Two heads are better than one foot.

* Don’t say bad words, when your mouth is full.

* Sabi ng bulag: “To see is to believe”.

* According to my former boss: “Whether you like it or not, you like it!”



bwahahahaha. . .

kung tagalog lang ang MATH. . .

Sa lahat ng subject sa school ang pinaka-nosebleed ay ang Math. Ang lahat ng sang-ayon sa akin sumigaw ng AAHHOO! AAHHOO! AAHHOO! Kahit pina-uso na ni Inday ang mga nosebleed words na sagad hangang alapa-ap ang sobrang taas na nagpadugo sa ating mga ilong, wala paring tatalo sa litro-litro at galon-galon na dugo na umagos sa ating ilong, gilagid at pati mata basta Math ang pinag-usapan.

Sobrang talaga por eksampol: “The function of y is equal to the value of the function of x where x is equal to x squared plus 5 and has an inverse relation y equal to f raised to the power of -1, which is equal to the square root of x minus 5.” Oh Lord, help me!!! Pati kili-kili ko nagbe-bleed. Ngumingilo pati patay na kuko ko sa paa.

Sa ganoong kadahilanan naiisip ko, “Paano kaya kung i-tagalog ang Math?” Wala lang, naiisip lang ng coconut-milking brains ko. Mabawasan kaya ang nosebleed level? Kasi nga mas madali na nating maintindihan kasi awr beri on langweds na ang medyum of instrakyon. Teka lang, bakit nga ba medium of instruction ang tawag dun, hindi ba pwedeng large of instruction para mas malaki? Bak tu da isyu, paano kaya kung tagalong ang math?

Por eksampol namber wan:English: The square root of x squared is x.

Tagalog: Ang parisukat ugat ng ekis sa kapangyarihan ng dalawa ay ekis.

Eksampol namber tu:

English: Find the roots of four x to the sixth power minus three x squared plus three.

Tagalog: Hanapin ang ugat ng apat na ekis sa ika-anim na kapangyarihan, bawasan ng tatlong ekis na pinarisukat at dagdagan ng tatlo.

JoshGroban Ko Po! Paano ako makaka-survive sa math pag-ganito? Kahit mag-nobena ako kay San Isidro Labrador, San Isidro Doberman at San Isidro Chihuahua patay ang beautylicous beauty ng Ninang nyo. Wag nalang, englisin nalang natin. Sabi ko nga ‘wag nalang akong mag-iisip eh, napapasama pa eh.

UTOT: The definition

Nothing feels better than a nice, loud utot lalo na kapag nag-ala-twister na ang masamang hangin sa tiyan mo. Mabaho man at nakakahiya, we have to admit that nothing feels better than emitting that gaseous bad elements from our system, nakakaginhawa ng buhay nagiging masaya ang world.

Ang “Utot” ay salitang tagalog na nanganaghulugang ang hangin na lumalabas sa isang parte ng ating katawan na may kakaibang amoy. Ang utot ay parang “universal language” sa Pilipinas kasi kahit saang sulok ka ng beautiful country Philippines mula Batanes hangang Jolo ay siguradong gets nila na iyon ay mabahong hangin na lumalabas sa iyong anus as in wetpu.

In all languages merong salita para sa utot:

In English:

* flatulence
* flatus
* fart
* aerosolized stool
* anal acoustics
* anal oxide
* anus evacuation
* arse blast
* silent killer
* and many more……



In French: Flatulence

In German: Blähung

In Spanish: flatulencia

In Italian: flatulenza

In Russian: напыщенность (try mo nga basahin at i-pronounce…)

In Chinese: chou pi

Definition:

flat·u·lent [fláchələnt], adjective
flat·u·lence, noun
-flat·u·lent·ly, adverb

1. causing gas in digestive system: causing excessive gas flatus to be created in the stomach and intestines

2. full of digestive gas: having excessive gas flatusin the digestive system

3. pompous or self-important: having or showing excessive self-importance (literary)

[Late 16th century. Via French < modern Latin flatulentus < Latin flatus "blowing, blast" < flare "to blow"]
Ayon sa Microsoft ® Encarta ® 2007 ito ang kahulugan ng utot:

Flatulence is presence of excessive amounts of gas in the stomach or intestines. Most of the gas in the stomach consists of atmospheric nitrogen and oxygen that have been swallowed. The nitrogen is largely unobservable and travels on through the intestines. Additional gases, principally carbon dioxide, methane, and hydrogen, are formed within the intestines. The carbon dioxide, produced by fermentation, is largely absorbed. The other gases, produced by incomplete digestion of foods rich in starch or cellulose, such as beans or cabbage, are eventually expelled from the rectum as flatus. The disagreeable odor of flatus is caused by several sulfur compounds, particularly by mercaptans. Large amounts of gas in the stomach or intestines may cause distention and pain.Anak ng kamote, kaya pala utot ka ng utot pag kumain ka ng kamote. Ang utot ay isang napaka simple at ordinaryong word pero maaring mauutot ka at dumugo ang ilong mo sa kakabasa ng explanation kung bakit umutot ang tao.

Just a thought…Umuutot din ba ang mga fish?

what everyone should know and take notice. . .

Some of these tips are the cool, funny, hilarious, amusing, witty, sarcastic but quite true proverbs. Here are some of my favorites…

• A bit of hard work never killed anyone – but why risk it?

• Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

• Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

• Quando omni flunkus moritati (when all else fails, play dead).

• Everything your mother ever warned you about is true.

• Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don’t, why you should.

• Politician and diapers should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having the good sense to be lazy.

• Never test the depth of water with both feet.

• The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt.

• Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

• If you want your spouse to pay attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

• It is far more impressive when other discover your good qualities without your help.

• Never to trust dog to watch your food.

• Never bother to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it bothers the pig.

• If you don’t pay you exorcist, you get repossessed.

• The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

• Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

• A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

• a likely impossibility us always preferable to an unconvincing possibility. (",)
  

this is my man. . .

some say he is childish, some say he's immature. . .

some say he's a womanizer, and some say he's naughty by nature. . .

but they dont see him like i see him. . .

he is the total opposite of what they all say. . .

he talks like a 30year old, way more mature than me. . .

he knows how to get on with life and he knows how to have fun. . .

he's my man, his name is andre and hes only 20years old. . .

i may be much older than him but what we have is this equality that no one have. . .

when i first met him, he's just this teensy wee boy that i know. so playful and so full of life. i never really saw him growing up but from what i heard from him he was growing up nicely naman. at first he became my friend, then we became close, we had some setbacks before, i never really realized that we could be this close, nawala communication namin from some time, i admit i truly miss him, sometimes i wonder how he has been nung wala kaming comm. we texted pero parang wala lang, but when he came sa wake ng dad ko i was shocked talaga kasi we never had the chance to see each other for such a long time natapos yun nga i saw him walking with his mum. what i felt that time? mixed emotions..masaya na nahihiya na naiinis. naiinis kasi ang panget ko nun! HAHAHAHA!!! after that? the rest is history. . .

some asked kung gano ko siya kakilala, bie i hope i do this justice. .
1. he likes motorbikes and scooters

2. he likes eating anything that is a noodle

3. he hates people who is late (yaiks)

4. he likes surfin the net

5. he likes to smoke

6. he is very simple

7. actually he is a very loyal person, he may be tempted at times but in the end its always me :)

8. and the good thing about him is that he knows what he likes and what he doesnt like.

i may never see or encounter another man like him because he is unique he knows his disposition in life and in relationships, and he is trying his very best to be the man that he want to be and i am so proud of his accomplishments.

this is for you bie, thank you so much. .