21 things women dont realize. . .

1) Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

2) Guys are more emotional than you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer than you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try.

3) Guys go crazy over a girl's smile(:

4) A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

5) Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?..nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

6) If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

7) A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

8) GUYS LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU LOVE THEM!!!

9) Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole heck of a lot.

10)If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.

11)If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and he is really thinking about something

12) When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is.

13)When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me"

14)If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.

15) When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

16) Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them

17)A guy would give the world to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.

18)No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it

19)NOT ALL GUYS ARE RUDE!!! Just because ONE is RUDE doesnt mean he represents ALL of them

20)WHEN A GUY SACRIFICES HIS SLEEP AND HEALTH JUST TO TALK TO YOU, HE REALLY LIKES YOU AND WANTS TO BE WITH YOU AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE

21)Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life... :)





PERO. . . EWAN KO LANG DIN TALAGA. . . . :D

click OK, ok???

Tech Support: “All right. Now click ‘OK’.”

Customer: “Click ‘OK’?”

Tech Support: “Yes, click ‘OK’.”

Customer: “Click ‘OK’?”

Tech Support: “That’s right. Click ‘OK’.”

Customer: “So I click ‘OK’, right?”

Tech Support: “Right. Click ‘OK’.”

Pause.

Customer: “I clicked ‘Cancel’.”

Tech Support: “YOU CLICKED ‘CANCEL’???”

Customer: “That’s what I was supposed to do, right?”

Tech Support: “No, you were supposed to click ‘OK’.”

Customer: “I thought you said to click ‘Cancel’.”

Tech Support: “NO. I said to click ‘OK’.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Tech Support: “Now we have to start over.”

Customer: “Why?”

Tech Support: “Because you clicked ‘Cancel’.”

Customer: “Wasn’t I supposed to click ‘Cancel’?”

Tech Support: “No. Forget that. Let’s start from the top.”

Customer: “Ok.”

I spent the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady’s unique computer.

Tech Support: “All right. Now, are you ready to click ‘OK’?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Tech Support: “Great. Now click ‘OK’.”

Pause.

Customer: “I clicked ‘Cancel’.”

conyo ka ba?

1. Thou shall make gamit “make+pandiwa”

“Let’s make pasok na to our class!”
“Wait lang! I’m making kain pa!”
“Come on na, we can’t make hintay anymore!”

2. Thou shall make kalat “noh”, “di ba” and “eh” in your pangungusap

“I don’t like to make lakad in the baha nga, noh? Eh di ba it’s like, so ewww, di ba?
“What ba? Stop nga being maarte noh!”
“Eh as if you want naman also, di ba?

3. When making describe a whatever, always say “It’s SO pang–uri!”

“It’s so malaki, you know, and so mainit!”
“I know right? So sarap nga eh!”
“You’re making me inggit naman, I’ll make bili nga my own burger.”

4. When you are lalaki, make parang punctuation “dude”, “tsong” or “pare”

“Dude, ENGANAL is so hirap, pare.” - (mikey: ENGANAL = Engineering Analysis in DLSU, FYI.)
“I know, tsong, I got bagsak nga in quiz one, eh.”

5. Thou shall know you know? I know right!

“My bag is so bigat today, you know.”
“I know, right! We have to make dala pa kase the jumbo Physics book eh!”

6. Make gawa the plural of pangalans like in English or Spanish

“I have so many tigyawats, oh!”

7. Like, when you can make kaya, always like. Like, I know right?

“Like it’s so init naman!”
“Yeah! The air–con, it’s like sira kase eh!”

8. Make yourself feel so galing by translating the last word of your sentence, you know, your pangungusap?

“Kakainis naman in the LRT! How plenty tao, you know, people?”
“It’s so tight nga there, eh, you know, masikip?”

9. Make gamit of plenty of abbreviations, you know, daglat?

“Like OMG! It’s like traffic sa EDSA.”
“I know, right? It’s so kaka!”
“Kaka?”
“Kakaasar!”

10. Make gamit the pinakamarte voice and pronunciation you have para full effect!

“I’m like, making aral at the Arrhneow!”
“Me naman, I’m from Lazzahl!”



TAENANG YAN!!

share ko lang. . .

Naranasan nyo na bang may gusto kayong pag-usapan ng kaibigan nyo na isang taong nasa tabi nyo lang ngunit hindi nyo magawa?

Pwet, ay pwes, gamitin nyo ang mga codes na ito para tuloy ang bonggang bonggang chismisan!!!

1. DAFFY (DAt F*cking Face of Yours) - para sa mga kakakilabot sa panget ngunit nagmamaganda!

Gamit: sa parinig, as in: “Hay kainis talaga yung isa dyan. I’ll make sampal na talaga DAFFY!”

2. TIMY (Tang Inang Mukhang Yan) - para sa mga kakakilabot sa panget, kahit hindi nagmamaganda!

Gamit: kadalasan pag nagulat ka, as in: “Pucha! TIMY!!!”

3. SUSAN (SUSo nasa tyAN) - para sa mga tao (kahit lalaki o babae) na laylay ang dede at imbes na nasa dibdib, nasa tyan na ang mga to.

Gamit: wala lang, kahit kailan, as in: “Dude, pare. My date sana kagabi was ok na dude, pare. Kaso SUSAN!”

4. SSU (Shades Sa Ulo) - para to sa taong naglalagay ng shades sa ulo na parang may mata sa anit.

Gamit: pag nakakita ka ng may shades sa ulo, as in: “Yesssss may SSU! Pa burger ka naman!”

5. BMM (Batang Mukhang Matanda) - para sa mga batang mukhang gurang. Kadalasan ito yung mga sumasali sa singing contest at kahit na 6 years old palang sila e kumakanta na ng tungkol sa pag-ibig na parang ang dami na nilang experience dito (with matching pikit pikit ng mata LOL!) Marami ring mga BMM sa simbahan sa linggo ahahaha bumubongga ang mga Sunday dresses nila ahahahaha

Gamit: pag meron lang, as in: “OMG. Kakatakot the BMM!”

6. PKPI (PaKyut ang P*tang Ina) - para sa mga nagpapacute na imbes na matuwa ka e naiirita ka lang. Pwede to sa panget, pwede rin sa cute na mahilig magpacute, na mas nakakainis. LOL!

Gamit: yung tipong KSP na ang dating ng PKPI, as in: “Mare kanina pa yang mamang yan ha. Nagpapapungay ng mata sa akin! PKPI!!!”

Yun lang ahahaha sana magamit nyo ang mga to!

TANGA: The definition

1. taong ayaw magka-boyfriend pero nagrereklamong single.

2. lalaking mahilig mambabae tapos nagugulat everytime ayaw pagkatiwalaan ng mga babae.

3. ex mong iniwan ka for some unknown reason then biglang magpapa-ramdam ulit after Jurassic years.

4. taong pilit na naghihintay sa taong wala naming balak dumating

5. babae o lalakeng ilang beses na naloko sa pare-parehong dahilan pero di natututo.

6. mag-jowang araw-araw nag-aaway pero hinding-hindi daw sila maghihiwalay.

7. textmate na nagbibigay ng load/pasaload pero hindi naman tini-text nang kanyang pinagbibigyan ng load ngunit patuloy paring nagbibigay ng load.

8. taong magpapa-kamatay sa para sa taong wala namang pakialam.

—Related forms


Ka.ta.nga.han, adjective

Ta.ta.nga.ta.nga, verb

Ta.nge.ngot, noun


—Synonyms

Hangal, gunggong, estupido/a, gago/a, ungas, walang kwenta,

walang saysay, luko-luko, luka-luka , bobo.



YUN LANG. . .

question of lust. . .

Fragile

Like a baby in your arms

Be gentle with me

Id never willingly

Do you harm



Apologies

Are all you seem to get from me

But just like a child

You make me smile

When you care for me

And you know


Its a question of lust

Its a question of trust

Its a question of not letting

What weve built up

Crumble to dust

It is all of these things and more

That keep us together


Independence

Is still important for us though

we realize

Its easy to make

The stupid mistake

Of letting go

do you know what I mean



My weaknesses

You know each and every one

it frightens me

But I need to drink

More than you seem to think

Before Im anyones

and you know


Kiss me goodbye

When Im on my own

But you know that id

Rather be home with you. . .

bwahahahaha. . .

Mga Makabagong Kasabihan (Kabadingang Edition)

1. “Aanhin mo ang gwapo kung mas malandi pa sayo!?”
2. “Walang matinong lalake sa malanding kumpare.”
3. “Wala nang hihigit pa sa malansang isda, kundi ang isang balahurang bakla.”
4. “Sa hinaba-haba ng prosisyon, bading din pala ang iyong ka relasyon.”
5. “Ang tumatakbo ng matulin, may gwapong hahabulin”
6. “Matalino man ang bading, na peperahan pa rin.”

Songs of Married Couple
First Night: Aray Naku!

1-5 Years: Araw- araw Gabi gabi

6-15 Years: Paminsan minsan

16-25 Years: Sana Kahit Minsan

26-49 Years: Gaano kadalas ang Minsan

50 and up: Maalaala mo Kaya



The Heights
Height of Poverty: Wife’s stitching husband’s condom

Height of Innocence: A girl applying Clearasil 2 her nipols thinking that they are pimples.

Height of Ambition: An ant climbing on the elephant leg with a motive of rape.

Height of Unemployment: A spider web found in prostitute’s pusssiey.

Height of Laziness: A man sleeping on the top of a woman expecting an earthquake to do the rest.


Government Project Do Not Delay

Anak: Tay, ano po magandang gawin kasi yung panty ng girlfriend ko may nakatatak na “No Entry”.

Tatay: Easy lang anak, yung brief mo markahan mo ng “Government Project Do Not Delay”.



MAN1: nagagalit sakin misis ko kapag inuuwi ko sa bahay yung mga hindi ko natapos na trabaho.
MAN2: bakit, ano ba ang trabaho mo pare?
MAN1: embalsamador!
————
NURSE: nasa isip mo ba pamilya mo?
BALIW: siyempre man! OO!
[Nurse natuwa..]
NURSE: asan ba pamilya mo?
BALIW: nasa isip ko. Tanga ba you?
————
Si Mister nakita 3 butil ng bigas at 25pesos sa drawer ni Misis.
MR: ano to?
MRS: uhm honey, magtatapat na ko. Tuwing nagtataksil ako sayo naglalagay ako ng 1 butil ng bigas sa drawer.
MR: eh ano yang 25pesos?
MRS: nung naging 1 kilo ang bigas, binenta ko na. Sayang eh!

inspirational nga ba?!?

Basahin mo ito at ma-inspire ka. Promise ma-iinspire ka talaga, as in…

# Lahat ng problema ay may solusyon. Kapag walang solusyon, wag mo ng problemahin.

# Always remember na kung kaya ng iba, ipagawa mo sa kanila.

# Hindi lahat ng gwapo may girlfriend, ang iba sa kanila ay may boyfriend.

# You wouldn’t know how sweet life could be, unless you’ve tasted somebody.

# Don’t make the same mistake twice. Madami pang ibang kasalanan, try mo naman yung iba.

# There’s always tomorrow, kaya magtira ka ng trabaho para bukas.


deebah?!?

pasaway na kasabihan. . .

* Huwag mong isiping panget ka, maiinis ka lang.

* Always remember no matter how bad you are, you are not totally useless. You can always be use as a bad example.

* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

* What is beauty if blog is empty?

* Two heads are better than one foot.

* Don’t say bad words, when your mouth is full.

* Sabi ng bulag: “To see is to believe”.

* According to my former boss: “Whether you like it or not, you like it!”



bwahahahaha. . .

kung tagalog lang ang MATH. . .

Sa lahat ng subject sa school ang pinaka-nosebleed ay ang Math. Ang lahat ng sang-ayon sa akin sumigaw ng AAHHOO! AAHHOO! AAHHOO! Kahit pina-uso na ni Inday ang mga nosebleed words na sagad hangang alapa-ap ang sobrang taas na nagpadugo sa ating mga ilong, wala paring tatalo sa litro-litro at galon-galon na dugo na umagos sa ating ilong, gilagid at pati mata basta Math ang pinag-usapan.

Sobrang talaga por eksampol: “The function of y is equal to the value of the function of x where x is equal to x squared plus 5 and has an inverse relation y equal to f raised to the power of -1, which is equal to the square root of x minus 5.” Oh Lord, help me!!! Pati kili-kili ko nagbe-bleed. Ngumingilo pati patay na kuko ko sa paa.

Sa ganoong kadahilanan naiisip ko, “Paano kaya kung i-tagalog ang Math?” Wala lang, naiisip lang ng coconut-milking brains ko. Mabawasan kaya ang nosebleed level? Kasi nga mas madali na nating maintindihan kasi awr beri on langweds na ang medyum of instrakyon. Teka lang, bakit nga ba medium of instruction ang tawag dun, hindi ba pwedeng large of instruction para mas malaki? Bak tu da isyu, paano kaya kung tagalong ang math?

Por eksampol namber wan:English: The square root of x squared is x.

Tagalog: Ang parisukat ugat ng ekis sa kapangyarihan ng dalawa ay ekis.

Eksampol namber tu:

English: Find the roots of four x to the sixth power minus three x squared plus three.

Tagalog: Hanapin ang ugat ng apat na ekis sa ika-anim na kapangyarihan, bawasan ng tatlong ekis na pinarisukat at dagdagan ng tatlo.

JoshGroban Ko Po! Paano ako makaka-survive sa math pag-ganito? Kahit mag-nobena ako kay San Isidro Labrador, San Isidro Doberman at San Isidro Chihuahua patay ang beautylicous beauty ng Ninang nyo. Wag nalang, englisin nalang natin. Sabi ko nga ‘wag nalang akong mag-iisip eh, napapasama pa eh.

UTOT: The definition

Nothing feels better than a nice, loud utot lalo na kapag nag-ala-twister na ang masamang hangin sa tiyan mo. Mabaho man at nakakahiya, we have to admit that nothing feels better than emitting that gaseous bad elements from our system, nakakaginhawa ng buhay nagiging masaya ang world.

Ang “Utot” ay salitang tagalog na nanganaghulugang ang hangin na lumalabas sa isang parte ng ating katawan na may kakaibang amoy. Ang utot ay parang “universal language” sa Pilipinas kasi kahit saang sulok ka ng beautiful country Philippines mula Batanes hangang Jolo ay siguradong gets nila na iyon ay mabahong hangin na lumalabas sa iyong anus as in wetpu.

In all languages merong salita para sa utot:

In English:

* flatulence
* flatus
* fart
* aerosolized stool
* anal acoustics
* anal oxide
* anus evacuation
* arse blast
* silent killer
* and many more……



In French: Flatulence

In German: Blähung

In Spanish: flatulencia

In Italian: flatulenza

In Russian: напыщенность (try mo nga basahin at i-pronounce…)

In Chinese: chou pi

Definition:

flat·u·lent [fláchələnt], adjective
flat·u·lence, noun
-flat·u·lent·ly, adverb

1. causing gas in digestive system: causing excessive gas flatus to be created in the stomach and intestines

2. full of digestive gas: having excessive gas flatusin the digestive system

3. pompous or self-important: having or showing excessive self-importance (literary)

[Late 16th century. Via French < modern Latin flatulentus < Latin flatus "blowing, blast" < flare "to blow"]
Ayon sa Microsoft ® Encarta ® 2007 ito ang kahulugan ng utot:

Flatulence is presence of excessive amounts of gas in the stomach or intestines. Most of the gas in the stomach consists of atmospheric nitrogen and oxygen that have been swallowed. The nitrogen is largely unobservable and travels on through the intestines. Additional gases, principally carbon dioxide, methane, and hydrogen, are formed within the intestines. The carbon dioxide, produced by fermentation, is largely absorbed. The other gases, produced by incomplete digestion of foods rich in starch or cellulose, such as beans or cabbage, are eventually expelled from the rectum as flatus. The disagreeable odor of flatus is caused by several sulfur compounds, particularly by mercaptans. Large amounts of gas in the stomach or intestines may cause distention and pain.Anak ng kamote, kaya pala utot ka ng utot pag kumain ka ng kamote. Ang utot ay isang napaka simple at ordinaryong word pero maaring mauutot ka at dumugo ang ilong mo sa kakabasa ng explanation kung bakit umutot ang tao.

Just a thought…Umuutot din ba ang mga fish?

what everyone should know and take notice. . .

Some of these tips are the cool, funny, hilarious, amusing, witty, sarcastic but quite true proverbs. Here are some of my favorites…

• A bit of hard work never killed anyone – but why risk it?

• Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

• Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

• Quando omni flunkus moritati (when all else fails, play dead).

• Everything your mother ever warned you about is true.

• Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don’t, why you should.

• Politician and diapers should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having the good sense to be lazy.

• Never test the depth of water with both feet.

• The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt.

• Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

• If you want your spouse to pay attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

• It is far more impressive when other discover your good qualities without your help.

• Never to trust dog to watch your food.

• Never bother to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it bothers the pig.

• If you don’t pay you exorcist, you get repossessed.

• The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

• Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

• A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

• a likely impossibility us always preferable to an unconvincing possibility. (",)
  

this is my man. . .

some say he is childish, some say he's immature. . .

some say he's a womanizer, and some say he's naughty by nature. . .

but they dont see him like i see him. . .

he is the total opposite of what they all say. . .

he talks like a 30year old, way more mature than me. . .

he knows how to get on with life and he knows how to have fun. . .

he's my man, his name is andre and hes only 20years old. . .

i may be much older than him but what we have is this equality that no one have. . .

when i first met him, he's just this teensy wee boy that i know. so playful and so full of life. i never really saw him growing up but from what i heard from him he was growing up nicely naman. at first he became my friend, then we became close, we had some setbacks before, i never really realized that we could be this close, nawala communication namin from some time, i admit i truly miss him, sometimes i wonder how he has been nung wala kaming comm. we texted pero parang wala lang, but when he came sa wake ng dad ko i was shocked talaga kasi we never had the chance to see each other for such a long time natapos yun nga i saw him walking with his mum. what i felt that time? mixed emotions..masaya na nahihiya na naiinis. naiinis kasi ang panget ko nun! HAHAHAHA!!! after that? the rest is history. . .

some asked kung gano ko siya kakilala, bie i hope i do this justice. .
1. he likes motorbikes and scooters

2. he likes eating anything that is a noodle

3. he hates people who is late (yaiks)

4. he likes surfin the net

5. he likes to smoke

6. he is very simple

7. actually he is a very loyal person, he may be tempted at times but in the end its always me :)

8. and the good thing about him is that he knows what he likes and what he doesnt like.

i may never see or encounter another man like him because he is unique he knows his disposition in life and in relationships, and he is trying his very best to be the man that he want to be and i am so proud of his accomplishments.

this is for you bie, thank you so much. .

wishlist. . .

and now, the end of the year is near, and so i face my final wishlist..

pweh!! taenang my way yan, hahahaha!!!

well,as tradition i always have a wishlist almost at the end of the year. yung iba natutupad yung iba hindi pero atleast ongoing parin. . .

1. i wanna have that Love in the Time of Cholera book

2. i wanna have a house of our own and get out of this place

3. go to tagaytay and say my goodbyes to my SPOT

4. say my goodbyes to my worries

5. say hello to the future

6. have a good christmas dinner with the family

7. give my tyanaks este inaanaks their presents cos i know dami ko na utang sa kanila

8. have a stable day job

9. i already have a good man in my life, so this is for him, i wish him blessings and hope he could finish school

and lastly. . .

10. to have a long life ahead.


simple yet meaningful (",)

hands on. . .

maraming tao ang nagtatanong. . . pano ba maging isang ina? aba, eh malay ko, basta ang alam ko mahalin mo ang anak mo ng higit pa sa buhay mo..

christienne angelyca day querubin was born on april 9 2001, 6.6lbs and ???ounces hehehe. . she was truly an angel cos all she ever did was sleep when she was little. nung 1yr old siya di na siya nagfoformula feed, actually milo na talaga gusto niya drink eversince, hanggang ngayon milo parin :)
she is cute, sweet to all people (kahit di niya kilala hinuhug parin niya), makulet in some ways, and she definitely knows what she wants. wala akong kahirap-hirap sa pagaalaga sa kanya because she's very easy to manage.

when i was still pregnant, i was very very moody. nagagalit ako sa lahat ng bagay, even to the people around me, sobrang naiirita ako. and at that time i was still struggling kasi nag-aaral pa ako sa college nung preggy pako, so it was really hard. thank god for papi kasi hinahatid nya ako pag may time siya. and thankfully kasi na-survive ko ang college with a huge belly :)

seeing her grow up, makes me think of the future to come, should i be strict or lenient? pero ive decided to be balanced. no more marshall law for the kids kasi we were raised that way where what is right is right and what is wrong is definitely wrong without even educating us why is the situation wrong in the first place. i dont want to make the same mistakes my parents did when they raised me. i know they love and all but giving us material things wont satisfy a kid, in a way masasatisfy parin, pero panandalian lang.

and i am truly proud of her kasi she is growing up already and she is truly smart, she knows how life goes at an early age of 7. she knows how to get disappointed, she knows how to take care of her little cousin maddie, and she definitely knows how to love. there are times na talagang matigas ang ulo niya, well bata eh, they have the priveledge to be that way, pero kapag napapagsabihan siya alam niya agad ang pagkakamali niya. there are times na natutulala siya, waiting for me to come home, and there are times na kung minsan sobra ang kulit niya. well kanino pa siya magmamana kundi sakin lang :)

im proud of her because she knows how to accept people, she knows how to talk to them. she has seen some of my men in my life before and now, some kids would be a brat to them pero iba si yca, malambing all the way. thats why some of my exes?? they dont miss me, they miss my kid. she has an overwhelming charm and wit, although sometimes tamad, namimili ng food na kakainin, sometimes nagkakatantrums din, but hey, aren't we all?


she is growing up i know, and she is growing up way too fast and pretty too, my fears is swelling up as i watch her, pero with good guidance and education on how life is, i would say kaya ni yca yan, she is way more better and way smarter than me (i admit) hehehe.. i have alot of shortcomings when it comes to raising her and guiding her, but i am trying my best to be the mom she wants me to be, and i always tell her every single day that i love her so much and that everything will be alright.

one day she was telling me that she wanted to be something big someday, i just told her that if you want to achieve something you have to do your best para marating mo ang gusto mong marating, dont be like mum i tell her, why? because yca is a dreamer, not like everybody else in the family even me, she would tell me she wanted to be a model or she wanted to have a huge house with lots of toys with maddie, thats what i like about this kid, hindi siya madamot, she always share what she has and never cease to please everyone. pag may kasalanan siya, ill know right away because it was way too obvious sa face niya na may ginawa siyang kalokohan.

i dont have any regrets in having, i admit sometimes it crossed my mind what if i dont her? will i be truly happy? that was before. .but now? mawala lang siya ng ilang minuto without me knowing nagaalala na talaga ako as in sobra, mega iyak ako.theres this one incident sa megamall na nawala siya, i mean god, megamall is such a huge place, so being a worrier that i am mega iyak nanaman me habang naghahanap.hahahaha! my dad was so angry sa yaya niya at that time, i looked everywhere, yca was only 3 at that time by the way, i looked and looked, but i remember she keeps on telling me that day that she wanted to eat at mcdonalds. so i went to mcdonalds and saw her sitting on that mcdonalds bench talking to that mcdonalds statue. grabe i was so relieved when i saw her. when she saw me all she said was "kain tayo mommy". .

when she started school, i have no problems with her in gaining friends whatsoever. she was a natural. she way friendly, madaldal, she keeps on smiling, she's always hungry and she really wanted to go to school. there are times na lazy siya gumawa ng homework before but now, hindi na masyado. sometimes i help her whenever i can, pero pag sa math talaga, nako sa iba nalang siya talaga nagpapaturo because wala rin akong alam and she knows that too.hahahaha!
before i dont know how to manage her when she started school, so i seek help from my mom and my sister, and they helped talaga. thats why im thankful to them kahit na sometimes kulang parin ako.

she is my angel, i have alot of things to learn in raising a child and i can learn from her. we may have some tough times ahead but i know she'll grow up as a beautiful lady inside and out because all the people who know her truly loves her so much and i see that she is thankful to them and so am i.

KURO-KURO NG COMMUTE: FACTS YOU..need, not!

Walang katapusang siksikan, at unahan sa upuan. Pabilisan sa pila at unahan sa dulo ng dyip. Yan ang pinaglalabanan ng isang daily commuter para lang makapasok sa iskwela o kaya trabaho.
Nakakapagod kung iisipin pero, wala eh…tipid na baka sakaling may makilala ka pa!

COMMUTER FACTS MRT EDITION:
Sa isang MRT Cart may 1 or 2 na naka Chuck Taylor.
Sa 20 na tao 10 ang naka balat
Sa 20 na tao 8 ang naka-bag
Sa 20 na tao 8 ang naka-polo
Sa 20 na tao yung iba dun walang auto!

FACT 1: Yung pinto ng MRT para ding elevator pwedeng harangin ng kamay para bumukas LAHAT ng pinto at makapasok ka.

FACT 2: Impakto ka pag pumasok ka sa MRT na pawisin dahil sure ball pag-uusapan ka ng mga tao with matching kamot sa ilong para makaramdam ka ng kahihiyan. (tapat ka sa aircon para matuyo na ‘yan, hayup ka!)

FACT YOU: Please sa mga lalaki during rush hour! H’wag mag-iisip ng kalibugan, dahil ika’y titgasan at baka sa siksikan ay tumusok yan. Baka ikay masampal ng kababaihan o di kaya mapasubo sa mga kabaklaan!

COMMUTER FACTS JEEPNEY EDITION:
FACT 1: Sa 18 na taong nakasakay sa likuran eh 2 ang nasisikipan dahil sila yung kalahating pwet lang ang pumasok sa upuan! (kasi ang totoo eh pang waluhan lang)

FACT 2: Sa 18 taong nakasakay eh 2 din dun ang nakipag-unahan sa dulo (near the labasan) para hindi sila gawing mang-aabot ng barya! (tamad talaga)

FACT 3: Sa 3 taong nakasakay sa harapan yung isa dun, may posibilidad na maputulan ng paa dahil lagi itong nakalabas sa pinto gawa ng kasikipan at pagpupumilit na 3 is not a crowd!

FACT THIS: Ingat po sa salamin sad dyip sa taas o kaya sa harapan ninyo. Dahil sure na sure, dibdib n’yo ang iniispatan dito!

FACT YOU: Sa mga mag-syota na magkatabi sad yip, holding hands is publicly acceptable. Obvious kung ang siko ni lalaki ay sumisimple ng dunggol sa suso. Naku! Pagbaba nyo pag-uusapan kayo. Ang mahirap dun eh kung makababa si lalaki dahil it’s a fact na a little dunggol can make ones junior sumisibol!

COMMUTER FACTS TAXI EDITION:
Sosyal! Di taxi ka na! Baka naman pagbaba mo hindi ka na makahinga! Dahil uso na ang LPG! Sige, testingin ninyo si manong kung anung nakukuha sa LPG baka magulat kayo sa sasabihin niya!

FACT 1: LPG sa taxi started in Brunei 2 or 3 years ago. Knowing its effects through evident research and non-useful human testing. Tinanggal na ito sa Brunei. Dahil lahat ng putang sumasakay ng taxi ay namamatay at nagkakaproblema sa paghinga. Ayun ang mga malilibog na lalaki, nagrereklamo! Dina daw sila maka-dalawa pano hinihingal na ang puta nila!

FACT 2: Pag-feeling ninyo ang bilis ng Metro sabihin mo lang. “Manong, sira ba metro ninyo?” Manong will say “Kapapagawa ko pa lang n’yan” Then mag-aalok siya kung ano yung usual payment mo.
That’s the time na pwede ninyo silang maisahan! (Para makabawi-bawi naman!

FACT 3: Pag-nagmamadali ka at nagpaparamdam ka pa sa taxi driver na tinataas baba pa ninyo ang inyong watch to pekeng see the time, HINDI parin siya magmamadali! (Manhid ang mga ungas) Kailang sinasabi pa talaga!

FACT 4: Always wear your seatbelt, kung sira ang anti-death device ipatong nalang. Dahil 500 to 200 ang bayad ‘dyan!

FACT THIS: H’wag na h’wag pong uutot. Kahit gaano katahimik yan! Alam mo kung sino ang may kasalanan!

FACT YOU: Sa mga malilibog na mag-syota o kakereng-kingan na nakaupo sa likuran! Ang laplapan ninyo o pasimpleng kalabit sa suso ay inaabangan! So please i-motel n’yo na yan!

COMMUTER FACT TRIKE EDITION:
Sa 10 tricycle 7 ay may pinahid na kulangot sa gilid.
Sa 10 tricycle 2 na lang ang may mga old school stickers.
Ex: Basta driver Sweet Lover.
Sa 10 tricycle 4 ang may sticker ng Victoria Court or Weight loss or gain na nakalagay barya pos a umaga.
Sa 10 tricycle 6 ang may panlaban na plastic cover sa ulan.
Sa 10 tricycle 10 driver ang may posibilidad na tinitigasan pag ikaw ay nakapalda at hindi galicious.
Sa 10 tricycle ang mas gustong babae ang nakasakay sa kanila para:
a. ma-stalk sila.
b. makasilip gamit ang mini-mirror nila sa tapat ng hita mo.
c. Para iwas pahid kulangot at dura sa gilid.
d. Para iwas sa hirit na “kulang sukli n’yo!”

FACT 1: Dapat alam mo ang pamasahe dahil pag-buo ang binigay mo, wala nang sukling babalik sa’yo.

FACT 2: Sadyang indented ang upuan ng tricycle para malaglagan ka ng barya pag-nakaupo ka. At pagnawaglit ka, barya mo…kanila na!

FACT THIS: Pag may naka-backride sa likod ng trike driver its either asawa niya yun o putang walang pamasahe!

FACT YOU: Sa mga mag-syota… TANG-INA NAMAN!
Ang ikli nalang ng biyahe ninyo h’wag na kayo maglampungan!
Obvious masyado! Eh yun ngang pasimpleng dukot kulangon sabay pitik halata eh, yun pang dukot sa parteng ‘di nasisinagan ng araw!

COMMUTER FACTS PEDICAB EDITION:
H’wag na… ibang level na ‘to!

inner conflict. . .

i wake up, and as my day starts, so do my first sensations and thoughts. next come my plans -- things to do, intentions for the day.

but, something else comes too, a pressure i know only too well. it may come as a voice inside or a sensation within, or a pressure in my forehead or a familiar heaviness on my shoulders. behind each of these responses, lies the question: "will i make it??"

the pressure arises not only because of the number of things i need to do or from the feeling that there never seems to be enough time to do all of it, but mostly, from a vague, even unconscious feeling that to do it all will take effort.

how have stress and pressure become such constant companions in my life? when did i start running, having no time for myself, feeling distant from people and preoccupied? when did that happen? is this what life is all about? i feel uncertain, afraid of failure and, more than that, i expect and in fact take for granted, a level of stress in merely gettin' through my day.

the pressure is instant and, without realizing it, i am 'in the dock' and have started to assess and judge myself. i am measuring my worth -- as a woman, as a wife, as a mother, as a daughter, and as worker.

from childhood on, one of the things i have learned to do -- and continue to refine, is to pretend.. daily, i put on a mask and with it i move through the world, hoping to be considered truly authentic or, atleast, not to be exposed as a fraud.

i use this mask to avoid facing my frustrations, my isolation and any lack of satisfaction. i use it to avoid the sudden opening of an abyss where nothing makes sense at all, and questions such as 'what am i doing here?'..

serenity is what i truly need, an inner solace which cannot be found to where i am right now. i have to learn how to accept things as they are which i am still striving to learn. i am open to learn. and i am eager to learn. right now, i open my eyes and see the real picture, which i have to face every single day. . .

new home. . .

well here it is, this is my new blog home. . why the transfer?? i dont really know, but rest assured all the readings will be the same as always. . no holds barred shit as always... hehehe been thinking alot lately and i realize that i have to be more strict about myself, ive been very lenient i have no discipline hence the weight hahahaha! but ill try my best to slim down before jae-ars wedding in may and buy that freaky dress that i like for about 2years ago, hmmm is it still on sale? no idea but i hope it still is. . so no more of that fat arse chick that you saw in the image but a more skinny, well, not so skinny but a balanced weighted lady that i had enjoyed before..sheesh talk about before and after shots, how humiliating. .hehehehe

see ya next time. . .

AND LIFE GOES ON. .

after my dad died, everything changed..

my life, mums’, pooz, mikes’ even my daughter.

its hard to be away from the family, we’ve always been together for so long, i always have someone to talk to everytime i go home from work but now all i ever talk to is my anti-social cat, i even miss my dad’s presence. he would be like waiting for me at the back of our house then tell me ‘oh ada, pagod ka? dun ka na matulog sa kwarto tapos buksan mo yung aircon.’ i miss him so much. besides andre and my mom, he’s the only one i could really talk to. masarap makipag-debate sa kanya, most of the time we do that kapag hinahatid niya ako sa work. yes, im a grown woman na hinahatid ng daddy..hehehe ngayon ko lang na-realize ang importance of having a dad around. kasi before i used to resent my dad. i would always think na sana wala nako sa house, or gusto ko ng lumayas. pero now, i hate to admit it pero i miss them terribly..even pooz.. i miss having 3meals a day, the sound of the tv in the afternoon, madie’s pangungulit, yca’s panghihingi, mike’s pang-aasar, everything..

and my life right now? yes, its beginning to get so depressing. im always alone. kahit na simple problem with the electric fan diko pa maayos. i dont like myself being depressed. ive been there, and its coming back. i know i have andre, but not always.. and i am inlove with him.. but now that his parents and my mum knows about us, its beginning to get difficult and may limitations na. i know we’ll both survive this kasi we love each other naman.

ok, eto nalang muna for now. til next time. (",)

AS TIME FLIES. .

when youre having fun? its hard to do fun nowadays.. days are running too fast, i cant even remember what happened yesterday.. they sometimes ask me, how can i smile at a time like this? simple, leave everything at home and never bring them at work. i have ALOT of problems right now, i dont even know what my plans are for the future.. am i that irresponsible? am i careless? unthoughtful? well, they dont know me, nobody did. nobody can know whats on my mind and whats in my heart. its too hard to tell tell stuff to people nowadays.. i can never trust anybody.

obviously im off topic, i apologize, well lets get back at having fun shall we.. as much as i can im enjoying what im doing right now even when im sad inside.. you know to ease the depression.. i love being around people, it makes me not think of whats really happening in my life right now.. i make myself busy as well, busy sleeping, busy studyin’, busy watchin’..hehehehe!

I NEVER KNEW. .

that life was such a contrast..like a flickering television when its very very old..no one even noticed that a day has already passed, do i look forward for the future? yes and no..yes, because im really looking forward to see my kid grow up. i have questions in my mind like will she be like me? or his biological dad? (I HOPE NOT!!) or will andre and i end up in the future? and yes because im curious as to what will become of me. fast forward life so to speak. i dont look forward to the future because i hate getting old, i didnt like the idea of skin sagging, skin drying, hair falling, eyes getting blurry and memory loss..but hey, thats life for you right? all of us will go through that stage.hmm.i hope that elixir of life is something real, i would definitely buy 1!

anyway, im off topic AGAIN, do you agree that life is indeed a contrast? an irony? well, i do.lately yea. its like when you needed something and you cant find it, that truly sucks lalo na pag kelangan na kelangan mo na and then when the day passed then suddenly bigla siyang mag-aappear? diba? or like that alanis morissette song about irony? or meeting someone who is truly your opposite? or even when the time youre still single no boys come to you tapos right now that you have someone then all of a sudden dami umaaligid? bummer diba? well, im going through that stage right now. buti nalang i ignored it and went deadma. buti nalang im so inlove with my bf right now because if not, who knows what i can do.

i never knew that you have to re-new a passport, i mean why would i re-new it if i havent got out of the country again? its been like 4years since i went out of the country and now my passport is now expired, mum told me i have to re-new it. tell you what, im so lazy. i dont want to wait in a gigormeous line to do that anymore. ive been there, so no way should i fall in line again. i also dont want to pay up those travel agencies whose prices is more expensive than your travel ticket. mind you they would say ‘ito na ang pinakamura para mag-renew’ but as it turns out mas mura parin sa DFA. bastards. to cut this story short, im not renewing my passport.period. hehehehe.

AND A WHAAAT?!?!?!?

…the f**k did just happen today?? checkup.. very very stressfull indeed. ive been in and out of the hospital for some god-forsaken, unnanmed sickness that i have. gettin’ tired of it really. atleast it turned out that im fit as a fiddle, or healthy as a dog? whaat?! hehehehe…

til next time.

EVERYTHING THERE IS. .

yesterday was probably the most memorable night for me. why? i truly bonded with my bie kahit na sa text lang..i would say i was open, well im always open to andre naman but yesterday was different for me. i dunno why but it is. i had a row with my mum so what i did i went out of the house. i told my bie if he could accompany me and he did. we talked about everything there is that i want to know. and i did. im so grateful because he became honest (i hope) with his answers and that goes the same for me too. what we talked about? thats for you to find out hehehehehe..

i hope he is for keeps..(ill keep my fingers crossed..) (”,)

anyways, the pressure that i have with everything around me is driving me nuts. i dont know how i could surpass this. one minute im ok but the next minute im feeling alot more stressed than usual. gotta put away the things that drive me crazy, ive been thinking a lot lately. and think i need a gettaway…

IVE GOT TO FACE. .

a lot of things in my life right now. its not easy letting go of the things you used to love. like eating your favorite sugary sweet cake (oohh) or staying very very late at night or doin’ the woohoos..hehehehe.i now im in a lot of trouble right now but still i get to smile and stay easy even if im very problematic and exhausted.

and to tell you the truth i am getting tired already.

THIS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. .

I’m very sure, this never happened to me before

I met you and now I’m sure

This never happened before

Now I see, this is the way it’s supposed to be

I met you and now I see

This is the way it should be

This is the way it should be, for lovers

They shouldn’t go it alone

It’s not so good when your on your own

So come to me, now we can be what we want to be

I love you and now I see

This is the way it should be…

SPEND MY LIFE WITH YOU. .

I never knew such a day could come
And I never knew such a love
Could be inside of one
And I never knew what my life was for
But now that you’re here I know for sure
I never knew till I looked in your eyes
I was incomplete till the day you walked into my life
And I never knew that my heart could feel
So precious and pure
One love so real
Can I just see you every morning when
I open my eyes
Can I just feel your heart beating beside me
Every night
Can we just feel this way together
Till the end of all time
Can I just spend my life with you
Now baby the days and the weeks
And the years will roll by
But nothing will change the love inside of you and I
And baby I’ll never find any words
That could explain
Just how much my heart my life
My soul you’ve changed
Can you run to these open arms
When no one else understands
Can we tell God and the whole world
I’m your woman, and you’re my man
Can’t you just feel how much I love you
With one touch of my hand
Can I just spend my life with you
No touch has ever felt so wonderful
You are incredible
And a deeper love I’ve never known
I’ll never let you go
I swear this love is true
Now and forever to you
only for you
To you…

ALL THE REST . .

what do i wish for?? i’ll definitely wish to be 15 again. why? that was the time i think for me that i dont have any cares in the world. i’ll just wake up in the morning then go to school do a little segway then go home again at 6pm. then the same routine happens again the next day. i know im stronger, im leaving out all the rest that make me feel hurt. the mistakes in my past that ive done is im sure long forgotten, but to tell you the truth it still haunts me. no one else cares what i say or do. ive never been perfect, neither have you.

its hard to leave behind the things you use to do and the people who knows you and now you dont see. i know i’ll keep them in memory. if they ask me how they are i dont have an answer because i dont have any news from them as well.

what did i do today? bummin’ out around the house, fixing things that i have to fix, talking to people over my mobile to ease the boredom and daydreaming for tomorrow to come.

WHAT IS LOVE WITHOUT?

trust?? tale as old as time, trust is the very essential part in a relationship, without it your life with your partner will be very complicated.

a lot of heartaches came from lack of trust from one another, that also happened to me too. im the type of person who is very skeptic about 2nd chances. its like it could happen again once you give that person a 2nd chance. but seriously nowadays, i begin to wonder. if you truly love a person, building the trust within the relationship is very very important. i admit i dont easily trust a person 100% . that person should earn my trust and if he did, he’s very very lucky.

past bf’s? i forgave all of them, but i will never forget what they did and im sure they wont forget me either. and my bf now? my partner? my bestfriend? i trust him 200%. i just wish he wont put my trust in him in vain. i know there will come a time that trials will come along the way, i know im ready. but im not ready to let him go. no A. im glad that we truly mesh well, he knows what im always thinkin, he knows how to butter me up when im paranoid, he says the right things to make me feel better, and most of all he knows what my weaknesses are..im just glad he’s in my life right now…

I WAKE UP. . .

i was having a terrible nightmare. i cant really elaborate what went on with my dream but it scared me. when went up, i was feeling cold and musky. i took a bath then fixed all my belongings. i was like saying goodbye to some good and bad memories of this room and also the joy and sadness of being alone. im going back to the same old crap at home with them. but no biggie, atleast i can get to be with my kid and that makes me partially happy.

i do admit that im not the fighting kind, parang i feel tired when i fight with someone its like youre using all your muscles in your body, but hey they say it added spice to life once in a while. i had this argument with my sister and her full of shit bf. she really wants me to be miserable. and i cant accept that anymore, she’s been doing this to me eversince i could remember and she’s sayin’ that pinagtatakpan niya ako? from what? labasan na ng dirt but it wont start from me.never again. she doesnt know what im capable of. anyway i just want her to stay out of my case and i stay out of hers. period.

A WEEK EXTENDED. . .

so its like this, ive been here at my bie’s place since last friday night, and i’d even promised myself that i will be home sunday night. but im still here, and its tuesday today. no complaints whatsoever, i really enjoy staying here, i do. they’ve been really nice to me even if…ya know,cant really tell. we’ve done alot of fun and chillaxing stuff here so far. i wish this could go on forever but i know it cant happen :) sooner or later i have to go home
so what did we do? go outside the house, kulitan sessions, having a real conversation, watch his dad’s workers for some project they have (and i tell you its big), woohoos (ssshhhh….hahahahaha), play some game, wait for him to come home after school, reading harry potter, help his mum out whenever i can, watch for his nephews, then sleep sleep sleep..

to tell you honestly ive never stayed at a guys place this long before, i usually visit him then afterwards go home, but this, this is different, this is all new to me and i like it so much, ive never been this close to a guy’s family before, usually the mums’ like me but not the whole family, but hey atleast this is a start and i still remember that i can’t please everybody so im just being me…

AM I READY?

im about to go home today and i still felt uneasy. i dont think im ready to face all of them. ive been here for like 11days already without any contact from them, heck, i didnt even greet my sister and uncle a happy birthday. im sure theyre really pissed at me right now. am i being selfish? i think so. for sure they would tell me that all i ever think about is myself. am i being emotional? i dont think so, this queasiness that i feel is fear. these are the times that i truly miss my dad the most. he understands me more than anyone else i ever know. well, c’est la vie…

my 11days stay at my bie’s house was ok. they’ve been very nice and civil to me, i can say that we bonded so to speak.and andre? ive realized something during my stay at their place.. we had our ups and downs like any other relationship there is. we both had our moments, we both had chillout times. sometimes he’s preoccupied with something, sometimes i leave him alone, and sometimes his attention is somewhere else. but all in all, he was wonderful for me, everyday he always tells me that he loves me, everyday he always want whats best for me, and everyday he never misses to kiss me everytime. thats what i like about this person, he is sincere (i hope), he is emotional, he is hard-headed, and he’s just being himself. i wonder sometimes whats going on through his head but whatever that is i just hope its for the best..for him, for his family and for me..

there’s this one time when we doing the woohoos, his dad suddenly came out of his room. i truly panicked because i was thinking he saw what we were doing. i was like, damn, without my underwear just hid my bottom with this huge pillow hoping and praying that he’ll come back to his room which he did eventually, he just got out of the house to get something from the car. when he came back to his room i wore my undies and shorties in a hurry then we both laugh at the situation.whew..

BEDSHAPED. . .

my life during my stay at his house was peaceful, crazy, and fun. there are times we argue but there are times that i cry but we still both manage to fix our differences.

i would like to say thanks to his mum and dad cos they have welcomed me and let me stay there for almost 2 weeks without questions asked. there are certain moments between his mum and i but i yielded because i respect both of them wholeheartedly.

sometimes we go out, i even accompanied his mum to certain places like going to the bank and stuff, or accompanying her to do their grocery, it was fun, i get to meet some of her friends near cash and carry. i even went to the wake of one of their brothers in the catholic community. it was a tiring day but its all good.

now that im home, i truly miss his presence, his hugs, his kiss, our misunderstandings, everything.

what i miss the most is when he let me play volleyball again, nobody ever make me play what i love the most, he was the only one who did it and i truly appreciate it with my whole heart. i also miss the times that we just chillout without even talking to each other but were both content.

i know this is not the end but merely the beginning, and i should say as the day goes by, my love for my andre grows more and more each day. and not a time wasted.

OVERWHELMED. . .

this weekend has been a blast for me, not only did i get to bond with my bie’s brother and sister, i get to meet new friends as well.
last sat, andre’s brother came home from makati from his ‘every-other-weekend visit’ he brought with him his gf and his gf’s friends. at first i admit i was incredibly shy thats why i dont mingle with them a lot. but when i overcome my shyness i realized that theyre ok. in the afternoon, all of us went for a long walk starting home going to 3holes, a sorta cafeteria that is very famous in their town. it was tiring indeed cos the place was far but i paid them no mind because it was compensated with their rowdiness and kakulitan when we got to the place i was overwhelmed cos the golf course was truly amazing, its like a scene from a foreign movie or something. when we reached 3 holes we ate, we smoked then afterwards another long walk home.
then come sunday, we took a roadtrip with everyone including my bie’s sister, her husband and her kid. at first, we went to the house of jose rizal then picture picture. then we went to UPLB, in UP the rain poured hard but that didnt spoil our trip. we stopped by this amazing path where theres greenery on both sides of the road. so again picture picture, even when were all wet, we still strike a pose, it was very fun. afterwards, we went back to that amazing golf course near the 3 holes, and again, took alot of pictures.hehehehe. our last stop was to eat again at the 3 holes cafeteria and again we ate, we smoked, we even took pictures again and we went home
i should say we didnt use much of our money but still, it was so much fun. i wish there’ll be a next time and that next time? i hope it will be sunny

WHAT YOU FEEL. . .

i feel it too bie, when youre not by my side everythings not in the right place.

but when im with you, my world is on a stand still.

you make me weak everytime i look at you.

youre the only one who could ever make me feel this way.

i dont think that youre the one for me, I KNOW youre the only one for me.

i miss everything there is about you, how you make laugh and to how you make me cry.

i miss the way you violate my nose.

i miss the way you kiss.

i miss the way you hug.

but i realize, there is nothing to miss bie.

because we’ll be doing those things for the rest of our lives.

these are a few things why i love you bie, we both know that theres so much more to tell, but what we both feel is beyond words.

you know how grateful i am that you lift my spirits up whenever im depressed and lonely.

how glad i am that you make me feel sexy (even when im not (”,) ).

and how i love the way you love me.

because of all that weve been through, were still intact, still together, and still loving each other.

and that i say is a perpetual bliss…

i love you so much andre

a day in my life....

it wasnt easy for me being alone.

all i could ever think off is survival, stress, and sleep all the damn freakin time. . .

bart's prank calls to moe..

Some Enchanted Evening
Bart: Is Al there?
Moe: Al?
Bart: Yeah, Al. Last name Kahalic?
Moe: Hold on, I'll check. Phone call for Al... Al Coholic. Is there an Al Coholic here?(The guys in the pub cheer.)
Moe: Wait a minute... Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass, if I ever find out who you are, I'm gonna kill you!

Some Enchanted Evening
Bart: Is Oliver there? Moe: Who?
Bart: Oliver Clothesoff.
Moe: Hold on, I'll check. [calls] Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff!(Marge picks up the extension)Listen, you lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you, I swear I'll cut your belly open!

Homer's Odyssey
Bart: (with Lisa) Is Mister Freely there?
Moe: Who?Bart: Freely, first initials I. P.
Moe: Hold on, I'll check. Uh, is I. P. Freely here? Hey everybody, I. P. Freely![the customers laugh] Wait a minute... Listen to me you lousy bum. When I get a hold of you, you're dead. I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half.

Moaning Lisa
Bart: (with Lisa)
Moe: Yeah, Moe's Tavern, Moe speaking.
Bart: Is Jaques there?
Moe: Who? Bart: Jaques, last name Strap.
Moe: Uh, hold on. Uh, Jock... Strap... Hey guys I'm looking for a Jock Strap. [laughs from all] Oh... wait a minute... Jock Strap... It's you isn't it ya cowardly little runt? When I get a hold of you, I'm gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood.

One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish
Bart: (with Lisa)
Moe: Hello, Moe's Tavern. Birthplace of the Rob Roy.
Bart: Is Seymour there? Last name Butz.
Moe: Just a sec. Hey, is there a Butz here? A Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz! [realizes] Wait a minute... Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pull out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!

Principal Charming
Bart: (in Principal Skinner's office) Hello, is Homer there?
Moe: Homer who? Bart: Homer... Sexual.
Moe: Wait one second, let me check. [calls] Uh, Homer Sexual? Hey, come on, come on, one of you guys has got to be Homer Sexual!
Homer: Don't look at me!
Moe: You rotten liver pot! If I ever get a hold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!
Skinner: You'll do what, young man?

Blood Feud
Moe: [answers the phone] Moe's Tavern, where the elite meet to drink.
Bart: Uh, hello. Is Mike there? Last name, Rotch.
Moe: Hold on, I'll check. [calls] Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately? [barflies laugh] Listen, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going to catch you, and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick.

Treehouse of Horror II
Bart: with Mrs. Krabappel and one of the Sherri/Terri twins
Moe: [answers the phone] Moe's Tavern. ... Hold on, I'll check. Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.
All: [laugh] Barney: Ho ho, that's a good one.
Moe: Wait a minute...
Bart: [hangs up and laughs]

Flaming Moe's
Moe: [answering the phone] Flaming Moe's.
Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass. First name Hugh.
Moe: Uh, hold on, I'll check. [calling] Hugh Jass! Somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!
Man: Uh, I'm Hugh Jass.
Moe: Telephone. [hands over the receiver]
Hugh: Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
Bart: [surprised] Uh, hi.
Hugh: Who's this?
Bart: Bart Simpson.
Hugh: Well, what can I do for you, Bart?
Bart: Uh, look, I'll level with you, Mister. This is a crank call that sort of backfired, and I'd like to bail out right now.
Hugh: All right. Better luck next time. [hangs up] What a nice young man.

Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk
Moe: Moe's Tavern, Moe speaking.
Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a Mrs. O'Problem? First name, Bea.
Moe: Uh, yeah, just a minute, I'll check. [calls] Uh, Bea O'Problem? Bea O'Problem! Come on guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?
Barney: You sure do! [everyone laughs]
Moe: Oh... [to phone] It's you, isn't it! Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!

New Kid on the Block
Moe: [answers the phone] Yeah, just a sec; I'll check. [calls] Amanda Hugginkiss? Hey, I'm lookin' fer Amanda Hugginkiss. Why can't I find Amanda Hugginkiss?
Barney: Maybe your standards are too high!
Moe: [to phone] You little S.O.B. Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!
Bart: My name is Jimbo Jones, and I live at 1094 Evergreen Terrace.
Moe: I knew he's slip up sooner or later!' He unsheathes a rusty knife and heads out of the tavern.

New Kid on the Block
(Laura Powers with Bart)
Laura: Hello, I'd like to speak to Ms. Tinkle? First name... Ivana?
Moe: Ivana Tinkle, just a sec. [calls] Ivana Tinkle! Ivana Tinkle! Hey, everybody, put down your glasses. Ivana Tinkle!

The PTA Disbands
This isn't at Moe's; Moe is taking over as the substitute teacher for Mrs. Krabappel's class during the strike
Moe: OK, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here". Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath?[laughter from kids]
Moe: All right, settle down. Anita Bath here?[laughter]Moe: All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks![more laughter]
Moe: Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it. It's my big ears, isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well, children, I can't help that!Moe runs out of the classroom crying.

Homer the Smithers
Burns: I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name Wayland
Moe: Oh, so, you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Wayland, is it? Listen to me, you; when I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and stick 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!

Bart on the Road
Homer: Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Eura
Moe: Eura Snotball?
Homer: What? How dare you! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!

Homer The Moe
Homer is looking after Moe's.
Bart: I'd like to speak to a Mr. Tabooger, first name Ollie.
Homer: (excited) Ooh! My first prank call! What do I do?
Bart: Just ask if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger.Homer: I don't get it.
Bart: Yell out "I'll eat a booger"
Homer: What's the gag?
Bart: Oh, forget it...